As we all know, I'm a single lady. I've been one for about six months now. I also have a decent handful of girlfriends who, just like me, are single. Therefore dating is a common topic amongst us. Although my thoughts on men in general have become a little more tarnished due to my previous relationship, my thoughts on dating have been the same for the last four or five years.
My number one thought on dating is that society has confused the definition and point of dating.
This is how I view dating. You may or may not agree with me, and that's fine. I know it's a highly debated subject.
To date is when you go out to dinner, a show, an event,coffee or some other activity in order to get to know each other better. To see if you are romantically into that person or see the possibility of it in the future.
To be dating someone means that you have gone on a few of these dates, and it's more than just a friendship growing. You see potential for it to grow into something more.
The whole point of dating a person is to determine if you want to move it to another level: a relationship. Dating is all about taste testing what is out there. No one is saying you have to go jump in the sack with a bunch of guys/girls, but you can go on dates with different people, have fun and it is ok. IF no words of commitment have been made to each other, than you are both free to date who you want to because if you had talked commitment, you have now placed yourself into a new category. Congratulations! You're in a relationship.
Below I've compiled a three things I've come to discover are extremely helpful in navigating the dating world and still maintaining happiness while doing so.
1. Don't put all your eggs in one basket so quickly
I feel I can only speak from a female's perspective on all these answers since I am one, but women seem to hop into a one track mindset faster than men. We go from meeting a cute guy to wanting to be boyfriend and girlfriend in 2.5 seconds. All of a sudden we're fantasizing the future. All the things we'll do together. The delicious meals we'll eat and places we'll travel together. This is all fun, but it isn't reality. Having this mindset gives you tunnel vision, and you may be so engrossed in your fantasy that you miss out on the reality of the situation. This guy might not be the one for you (or he might be) or you may not be seeing the one who is for you. Standing to the right of your tunnel vision.
2. Don't over think things, just have fun.
If you're dating someone or in a relationship with someone, it should be fun and enjoyable. (If it's not-you need to get the eff out and re group with a new game plan!) Maybe you're worried that the guy you are dating doesn't like you or you said something stupid and now he thinks you're an idiot. We've all been there. Don't dwell on it. Pay attention to how you feel with this person. If you feel awesome and giddy, only let those thoughts enter your mind. Don't clog you're mind with negatives. Don't label things right away. Let the dating grow organically. If it works out, fabulous. If not, don't be discouraged, be thankful for that good time you had with him and look forward to the one you will find some day who is not only fun, but kick ass in every other way too(and thinks you are too!). The whole point of dating and being with someone is to figure out what you want in a relationship.
3. Live your life
This one I cannot emphasize enough. DO NOT. I repeat: DO NOT plan and revolve your life around a guy you're dating. I don't think there is anything more frustrating than seeing one of my girlfriends make this dumb move. Years back I was guilty of doing this once or twice, but I do think that if you asked my friends they would tell you that I've always been one to keep hold and maintain friendships even when in a relationship. Do not put aside your plans or fail to make plans with others in hopes that the guy you have been seeing will call or text you to go out on a date. You are really setting yourself up for disappointment with this move. Not only disappointment if he never does call, but also your friends will become disappointed that you refuse to make plans with them because this guy is more important to you. You'll start to look like a shitty friend to them. If two people like each other and are dating, they will find the time. It will be a joint effort to make the time. It should never be you waiting by the phone while the other one is out living it up. Get out there and live it up too! You can't be happy with someone if you can't even be happy when it's just you hanging out with you. Also, I don't know about you, but I get real turned off when a guy's schedule is too open. I once received a text from a guy I met at a bar the night before that read "I had a really good time hanging out..lets do it again. I'm free everyday this week so let me know when you are" Yikes! Let's just say home boy and I weren't going to work out.
I read an article last night called "How to Pick Your Life Partner" on Huffington Post. I really enjoyed this article as it pretty much goes against everything that people say about relationships and marriage. We live in a divorce laden world, clearly what we're doing now isn't working. Time to try something different. This article is the kind of thing that every person needs to read before they get married to someone. I would love to delve into this article sometime on my blog. You should take a look at it and see what I'm talking about. Getting married to someone is a big deal. They are a life partner. That's something I only want to find once, and if you do it right, once is enough.
Goodnight, Readers.
