Dating

As we all know, I'm a single lady. I've been one for about six months now. I also have a decent handful of girlfriends who, just like me, are single. Therefore dating is a common topic amongst us. Although my thoughts on men in general have become a little more tarnished due to my previous relationship, my thoughts on dating have been the same for the last four or five years. 

My number one thought on dating is that society has confused the definition and point of dating. This is how I view dating. You may or may not agree with me, and that's fine. I know it's a highly debated subject. 

To date is when you go out to dinner, a show, an event,coffee or some other activity in order to get to know each other better. To see if you are romantically into that person or see the possibility of it in the future.

 To be dating someone means that you have gone on a few of these dates, and it's more than just a friendship growing. You see potential for it to grow into something more.

 The whole point of dating a person is to determine if you want to move it to another level: a relationship. Dating is all about taste testing what is out there. No one is saying you have to go jump in the sack with a bunch of guys/girls, but you can go on dates with different people, have fun and it is ok. IF no words of commitment have been made to each other, than you are both free to date who you want to because if you had talked commitment, you have now placed yourself into a new category. Congratulations! You're in a relationship. 

 Below I've compiled a three things I've come to discover are extremely helpful in navigating the dating world and still maintaining happiness while doing so. 

1. Don't put all your eggs in one basket so quickly 

I feel I can only speak from a female's perspective on all these answers since I am one, but women seem to hop into a one track mindset faster than men. We go from meeting a cute guy to wanting to be boyfriend and girlfriend in 2.5 seconds. All of a sudden we're fantasizing the future. All the things we'll do together. The delicious meals we'll eat and places we'll travel together. This is all fun, but it isn't reality. Having this mindset gives you tunnel vision, and you may be so engrossed in your fantasy that you miss out on the reality of the situation. This guy might not be the one for you (or he might be) or you may not be seeing the one who is for you. Standing to the right of your tunnel vision. 

2. Don't over think things, just have fun. 

If you're dating someone or in a relationship with someone, it should be fun and enjoyable. (If it's not-you need to get the eff out and re group with a new game plan!) Maybe you're worried that the guy you are dating doesn't like you or you said something stupid and now he thinks you're an idiot. We've all been there. Don't dwell on it. Pay attention to how you feel with this person. If you feel awesome and giddy, only let those thoughts enter your mind. Don't clog you're mind with negatives. Don't label things right away. Let the dating grow organically. If it works out, fabulous. If not, don't be discouraged, be thankful for that good time you had with him and look forward to the one you will find some day who is not only fun, but kick ass in every other way too(and thinks you are too!). The whole point of dating and being with someone is to figure out what you want in a relationship. 

3. Live your life

This one I cannot emphasize enough. DO NOT. I repeat: DO NOT plan and revolve your life around a guy you're dating. I don't think there is anything more frustrating than seeing one of my girlfriends make this dumb move. Years back I was guilty of doing this once or twice, but I do think that if you asked my friends they would tell you that I've always been one to keep hold and maintain friendships even when in a relationship. Do not put aside your plans or fail to make plans with others in hopes that the guy you have been seeing will call or text you to go out on a date. You are really setting yourself up for disappointment with this move. Not only disappointment if he never does call, but also your friends will become disappointed that you refuse to make plans with them because this guy is more important to you. You'll start to look like a shitty friend to them. If two people like each other and are dating, they will find the time. It will be a joint effort to make the time. It should never be you waiting by the phone while the other one is out living it up. Get out there and live it up too! You can't be happy with someone if you can't even be happy when it's just you hanging out with you. Also, I don't know about you, but I get real turned off when a guy's schedule is too open. I once received a text from a guy I met at a bar the night before that read "I had a really good time hanging out..lets do it again. I'm free everyday this week so let me know when you are"  Yikes! Let's just say home boy and I weren't going to work out.

I read an article last night called "How to Pick Your Life Partner" on Huffington Post. I really enjoyed this article as it pretty much goes against everything that people say about relationships and marriage. We live in a divorce laden world, clearly what we're doing now isn't working. Time to try something different. This article is the kind of thing that every person needs to read before they get married to someone. I would love to delve into this article sometime on my blog. You should take a look at it and see what I'm talking about. Getting married to someone is a big deal. They are a life partner. That's something I only want to find once, and if you do it right, once is enough. 

How to Pick Your Life Partner

Goodnight, Readers.

They said it would get better & it has..

I don't recall exactly where I read about the timeline of a deployment, but it was probabley in one of the many (probabley hundreds!) of blogs I have read that involve military and deployment. They said it would be rough the first two months, and then after that time you would start to be back in your routine, and able to carry on with life better. They were right.

Being that this is my first experience with deployment I had no idea whether there was any truth to that. I couldn't imagine ever shaking the feeling of always worrying that KC was okay. For those first two months I was terrified and physically sick to my stomach if I didn't hear from him throughout the week. During the first two months I had one chunk of time where I didn't hear anything for over a week, and was told I would hear from him. I think that makes it even worse; being told you will get a call from your soldier on a specific day, and that day comes and goes and more pass by and you hear nothing. You start to fear the worst.

When you least expect it you get a call at 4am, and it's him. You forget all the fear that sat in the pit of your stomach, because it doesn't matter anymore. He's safe. Slowly, but surely you start to adjust to having him over there, and the terrible fear that was at the front of your mind moves slowly to the rear..just a little bit.

Although it's been almost three months since I last saw him, I still miss him as much as the day we last touched, if not more. I know for a fact I miss him more with everyday that passes, but I think I have learned how to cope with his absence. The last two days have been rough though. I really miss him. It's not the terrified feeling that I have had in the past, it's the longing type of missing someone you love. I'm starting to really miss the small things. Hanging out at home doing nothing. Going out for our usual Saturday morning breakfast. I miss being able to touch him, and laugh with him. I miss seeing the look on his face when he sees me. The look that makes me feel like the prettiest girl in the world.

Even though this is not an ideal situation for a relationship, it still works. Military relationships don't make sense to those who have never experienced them. I for one will be the first to admit that my view on military families has completely changed. I just wish that it didn't take me being in a relationship with a soldier to see this. I think that we would all look at the world a little bit different if we all saw the world through a member of a military relationships' eyes.

Life Lessons: Friendships

 There sometimes comes a point in a friendship when you have to turn, walk away and head for the door. You realize you can only extend the olive branch so many times, and give so much of yourself when you see the act is not reciprocated. Friendship is a two way street. Life is too short to waste your time on people who don't understand this. Be thankful for those friends who do understand, and appreciate this. Those are your true friends.

I have too much going on these days to put my worry into someone who doesn't appreciate me or value the friendship. I feel that most of my friendships are easy going, and operate with little to no effort. That sounds wrong, but it isn't. It's almost like an unspoken agreement I have with my friends. We all know that life is crazy, and we become busier with every year we grow older. Because of this we don't always talk. Sometimes we go months without having a phone conversation. However, when we do see each other we pick up right where we left off, as if no time had passed between the last time we saw each other. I love that I have this situation with all my closest friends. We have that mutual respect and appreciation for each others lives. I feel like at 25 years old I'm done with the stupid games, and immaturity, but life continues to be a constant weeding out process when it comes to friends. Although it has significantly slowed since my teen years, I have to remind myself that it still continues at any age. Some people are just not meant to be in your life story til the end, and that's OK. That's life.

Good Night Bloggers!