Monday, December 10, 2012

They said it would get better & it has..

I don't recall exactly where I read about the timeline of a deployment, but it was probabley in one of the many (probabley hundreds!) of blogs I have read that involve military and deployment. They said it would be rough the first two months, and then after that time you would start to be back in your routine, and able to carry on with life better. They were right.

Being that this is my first experience with deployment I had no idea whether there was any truth to that. I couldn't imagine ever shaking the feeling of always worrying that KC was okay. For those first two months I was terrified and physically sick to my stomach if I didn't hear from him throughout the week. During the first two months I had one chunk of time where I didn't hear anything for over a week, and was told I would hear from him. I think that makes it even worse; being told you will get a call from your soldier on a specific day, and that day comes and goes and more pass by and you hear nothing. You start to fear the worst.

When you least expect it you get a call at 4am, and it's him. You forget all the fear that sat in the pit of your stomach, because it doesn't matter anymore. He's safe. Slowly, but surely you start to adjust to having him over there, and the terrible fear that was at the front of your mind moves slowly to the rear..just a little bit.

Although it's been almost three months since I last saw him, I still miss him as much as the day we last touched, if not more. I know for a fact I miss him more with everyday that passes, but I think I have learned how to cope with his absence. The last two days have been rough though. I really miss him. It's not the terrified feeling that I have had in the past, it's the longing type of missing someone you love. I'm starting to really miss the small things. Hanging out at home doing nothing. Going out for our usual Saturday morning breakfast. I miss being able to touch him, and laugh with him. I miss seeing the look on his face when he sees me. The look that makes me feel like the prettiest girl in the world.

Even though this is not an ideal situation for a relationship, it still works. Military relationships don't make sense to those who have never experienced them. I for one will be the first to admit that my view on military families has completely changed. I just wish that it didn't take me being in a relationship with a soldier to see this. I think that we would all look at the world a little bit different if we all saw the world through a member of a military relationships' eyes.

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