I was really excited to see today's blog prompt. I've learned a couple of really important pieces of knowledge in the last month and I think they will not only help me in the future, but can help others as well. Last month I found out I had been lied to by my boyfriend for almost ten months. Discovering this horrible occurrence was like being socked in the stomach by the incredible hulk. I was beyond crushed. The man I had spent the last two years of my life with, had gone through a deployment with, had lied to me. While I sat at home worrying about him every day he was in Afghanistan, he was cheating on me with his ex girlfriend who was also deployed in the same Provence as he was. I've gone back and forth in my mind as to whether I wanted to share this information on my blog, and I still don't know that I really want to, but I started this blog as a way to document KC and I's first deployment together. To then just completely take him out of my blog, but have past blog posts about his deployment with no explanation seemed kind of silly. I used to think that it was an embarrassment to myself if I told people what he had done to me. Especially since it came out of nowhere. We had a perfect relationship before he deployed. I've realized in the last month that it isn't an embarrassment because I know I have nothing on my end that attributed to his cheating. It's on him. I was an amazing girlfriend to him, and I have no regrets about my part of the relationship. I'm thankful for that and for the fact that this situation made some things apparent to me, and I would like to share those with you.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
I cannot emphasize enough how true this is. As we grow up and get older we start to see how easily it can be for people to say whatever they want to pacify the people around them. Politicians, celebrities, and "normal" people will all say things that they don't plan to follow through on. Like Lil Wayne says "...Today I went shopping and talk is still cheap" Anyone can say whatever they want, but when it comes down to it, the follow through shows who they really are. Words are just that: words.
Trust Your Gut
Dr. Joyce Brothers, you are a genius. When KC was telling me that he was having struggles with being back from Afghanistan, and needed time away from me I always felt that was somewhat strange, but I had never experienced deployment before so I gave him what he asked. When he spent weeks without talking to me and seeing me, it felt even more strange. This was a man who treated me like a queen before he left, there wasn't a time that he didn't want to be around me. When I questioned him a month after his return if there was anyone else he denied it. Why didn't I question the fact that the thought had crossed my mind? I would get emotionally upset when I couldn't get a hold of him or he didn't want to see me. I should have looked deeper into that. One night, a week before I found out about his cheating, I had a nightmare that he was cheating on me right in front of my face. I remember waking up in the middle of the night, my heart racing from the realness of the nightmare. I was so relieved that it wasn't really occurring. I still felt a nagging feeling when I hung out with KC the next day that I asked him about it. He became upset that I kept bringing things like this up. He didn't comfort me when he should have, he got defensive. Looking back now, I see those red flags. The fight my heart had with my mind. I realize hindsight is 20/20, but I need to put more stock into my gut. Your instincts are there for a reason, pay attention to them or at least stop for a minute and reflect on what they might be telling you.
I'm one of those people who almost always has to learn things out for themselves and can't just be told, but I hope you'll think about the two pieces of advice I've given, and apply them to your everyday life, and not just your romantic relationships. I'm really looking forward to getting the chance to read what others wrote for today's prompt.